Outside of being a pastor’s wife, I’m not sure there’s a more difficult job than being a preacher’s kid. Hands down – it’s a tough occupation. While a spouse (sometimes) has a choice in whether to marry a minister or not, children don’t usually have that luxury. They don’t choose their parents. In fact most are born though some are dragged into the fishbowl. I have three great kids and none of them had a choice – they’re preacher’s kids.
You do know the expectation drill for a preacher’s kids? Every PK is required to be perfect, always on time, appropriately dress, dripping with kindness, always possessing a smile with kindness in their heart, always helpful, neat, perfect student, fine athlete, FCA leader, first place in Bible Drill, quote the Bible from memory, like hymns (really?), play an instrument, perfect attendance award winner, and the list goes on and on.
We need to cut preacher’s kids some slack! They are human, normal, and everyday people that happen to have a parent that serves as a pastor. That doesn’t make them any more holy. Neither should it require them to live under a more stringent code of expectations than the next student or church member. Jo and I are blessed! We have three great kids and I am proud of each! We have been blessed with supportive and encouraging congregations that have blessed our family. That is not always the case for the minister’s family.
If you’re a pastor, pray for your kids daily (maybe hourly). If you’re a church member, pray for and support your pastor’s children. Don’t place arduous and unrealistic expectations on him or her just because they’re a pastor’s kid. Help them live healthy well-adjusted lives even when they reside in a fishbowl. Love and include them as any other child. Remember, it’s not easy being a pastor’s kid and they didn’t necessarily ask for the role.
In praying daily for my kids, here’s my request. I ask God to grow (nurture) my children into becoming solid and serving churchmen in the days ahead. I pray for God to grant them a similar love for the church their dad shares. I love the church and in all her imperfections she is still the bride. I pray for God to give them a passion for the Commission that cannot be eclipsed by the organization (church). I pray God’s protection, His anointing, and His purpose for my kids. I want them to be disciples of their Lord and not puppets of man’s expectations. I want them to love Jesus and His bride their entire life.
I understand your stand point and agree with it completely.
~Adriana E. G.
Thank you for your article. Insightful. I would like to add a few more thoughts.
If you are a clergy parent, please understand your children are experiencing and tolerating much more than you think they are. Please tell them you love and appreciate them. Acknowledge their contributions. Stand up for and provide emotional support for them. The denomination may be providing for your professional needs, but offers nothing to your family. They are considered ‘free labor’ by default, in many ways. Be mindful that you are not taking advantage of them as well.
I do not address the spouse, because an adult should have a voice, in a way children do not.
One more thing ~ members of your congragation breaking into your house, with or without a key, is a crime. It will distroy your families since of security in a fundamental way, weather the perp steals or ‘merely’ paws through your posessions out of curiousity or malice. Don’t tolerate it.
The ministery may be your calling ~ but it is not your experience alone. You stand between your family and the experiences that may well mark them for life or all eternity.
Thank you for your article. Insightful. I would like to add a few more thoughts.
If you are a clergy parent, please understand your children are experiencing and tolerating much more than you think they are. Please tell them you love and appreciate them. Acknowledge their contributions. Stand up for and provide emotional support for them. The denomination may be providing for your professional needs, but offers nothing to your family. They are considered ‘free labor’ by default, in many ways. Be mindful that you are not taking advantage of them as well.
I do not address the spouse, because an adult should have a voice, in a way children do not.
One more thing ~ members of your congragation breaking into your house, with or without a key, is a crime. It will distroy your families since of security in a fundamental way, weather the perp steals or ‘merely’ paws through your posessions out of curiousity or malice. Don’t tolerate it.
The ministery may be your calling ~ but it is not your experience alone. You stand between your family and the experiences that may well mark them for life or all eternity.